Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Step Three
Just to memorialize that we have started the home study process with an application. We have chosen Vista Del Mar to assist us.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Choosing an Adoption Agency
Lori and I struggled and mulled through the hundreds of international adoption agencies trying to land on the one that would be just "right". I must admit, Lori is the research queen and within weeks she was able to grasp and cull the top agencies. As I wandered through their brochures, websites, and blogs, the thought of adoption seemed so remote and yet so immediate. All of our hopes and dreams for parenting were beginning to take shape and was I prepared?
There have been moments of sheer panic coupled with moments of pure and absolute joy. On the inside I bounce between the spectrum of emotions and on the outside try not to let on that I'm a wreck. I guess this is normal and I don't fight it.
Lori is a rock and anchor and we seem to find solace in the details and mundane minutiae of the process - at least for now. This seems to focus us on the task at hand as we slowly take another step in the thousand mile journey.
So, if you are adopting or considering adoption - here's something you won't find in the books and articles: a tool for deciding which adoption agency you want to go with. Here's how we did it:
We chose four agencies that seem to have the breadth of services and footprint in Ethiopia. We created 27 categories for review:
1-11 were purely financial and considered the agencies fees.
12-18 were costs regardless of agency (calculated but not used in the final analysis)
19 - Capacity of their system (how many families in queue)
20 - In country support (how many staff)
21 - In country orphanage
22 - Pediatrician in Charge in Country
23 - Agency wait times
24 - Online rating scores
25 - US staff (how many per family)
26 - In country guest house
27 - Travel logistics
Finally, we gave a "gut" score based on pure emotion and instinct as we dealt with each agency.
After we scored each agency, we did some follow up calls to get clarity and to validate our answers. From this process, we eliminated an agency and ended up evaluating three. We forced ranked each question giving the best an "9", the middle an "3" and the worse an "1". We totaled all the scores up and this allowed us to clearly see if there was a dominant player. We then took four categories that were the most important to us and weighted those and recalculated the totals.
Now this may sound like calculus and overkill but we will be dealing with these agencies for at least 3 - 5 years in the process. We wanted to be sure. So, we chose Adoption Advocates and felt really good about this decision. But Lori did have some reservations but received a "God" sign so now we are happy and content that we made the right decision.
Check out Adoption Advocates - they have great programs and if your heart is in Africa or another country, it might be worth getting to know what they do and helping them out.
There have been moments of sheer panic coupled with moments of pure and absolute joy. On the inside I bounce between the spectrum of emotions and on the outside try not to let on that I'm a wreck. I guess this is normal and I don't fight it.
Lori is a rock and anchor and we seem to find solace in the details and mundane minutiae of the process - at least for now. This seems to focus us on the task at hand as we slowly take another step in the thousand mile journey.
So, if you are adopting or considering adoption - here's something you won't find in the books and articles: a tool for deciding which adoption agency you want to go with. Here's how we did it:
We chose four agencies that seem to have the breadth of services and footprint in Ethiopia. We created 27 categories for review:
1-11 were purely financial and considered the agencies fees.
12-18 were costs regardless of agency (calculated but not used in the final analysis)
19 - Capacity of their system (how many families in queue)
20 - In country support (how many staff)
21 - In country orphanage
22 - Pediatrician in Charge in Country
23 - Agency wait times
24 - Online rating scores
25 - US staff (how many per family)
26 - In country guest house
27 - Travel logistics
Finally, we gave a "gut" score based on pure emotion and instinct as we dealt with each agency.
After we scored each agency, we did some follow up calls to get clarity and to validate our answers. From this process, we eliminated an agency and ended up evaluating three. We forced ranked each question giving the best an "9", the middle an "3" and the worse an "1". We totaled all the scores up and this allowed us to clearly see if there was a dominant player. We then took four categories that were the most important to us and weighted those and recalculated the totals.
Now this may sound like calculus and overkill but we will be dealing with these agencies for at least 3 - 5 years in the process. We wanted to be sure. So, we chose Adoption Advocates and felt really good about this decision. But Lori did have some reservations but received a "God" sign so now we are happy and content that we made the right decision.
Check out Adoption Advocates - they have great programs and if your heart is in Africa or another country, it might be worth getting to know what they do and helping them out.
Who We Hope To Be
Dear Family and Friends:
After months of praying, deliberating and thoughtfulness, Lori and I have committed to the adoption journey. We have decided to select our future son or daughter from Ethiopia.
As most of you know, Lori and I are fiercely private people and rarely share our personal struggles outside of a very close knit group. However, for this journey we will require your support and personal encouragement. This is not a casual decision nor an easy road to take. And the reward, regardless of the outcomes will be deep and abiding.
Let me answer some of the questions that have probably already come to mind:
1. Why Ethiopia? For those of you who know us best, our heart has always been with Africa. We have committed a lot of resources to programs we felt strongly about and now we want to go one step further. By 2010 over 43% of Ethiopia's children will be orphaned. These children have no option and by adopting one child, we save one life. It's really that easy for us. In Ethiopia, these children have no net to catch them after loss of parents to war, disease or abandonment. In Ethiopia adoption is embraced. In a country that has never been colonized and doesn't carry the sins of slavery or tyranny, they embrace those who would adopt their children and give them a hope and a future. The contrast with other international programs is stark. Ethiopians give extraordinary care and love to those who have been made orphan. Their institutions are filled with caring nurses and caregivers and this is reflected in the eyes and faces of the children.
2. This is not a political statement or a social experiment on our part. Raising a black child in a white world has it's own struggles. We are committed to this and we will work our way through it. We don't see this as a heroic effort but simply a way for us to be less selfish with our lives and to use the extraordinary resources that God has blessed us with. The only way to transform our resources is to give them away with love.
3. Aren't you too old to be doing this? Hopefully not. We do this to share our life and to make a difference in that one little life.
4. How long will it take? We don't know. Probably, about 10-18 months. We are finalizing our selection of an adoption agency and then will go into a series of home studies, preparing a dossier of legal documents, unpredictable court dates in Addis Abba and dealing with the US State Department. Our responsibility is to take the steps forward and we surrender the rest to God's mercy and ask for his countenance upon us.
5. What can you do? We humbly ask that you do for us that which we have done for you: pray and encourage us. This is a roller coaster of emotions and set backs; unrealized expectations and unpredictable highs and lows. Shoot us a card now and then, telling us you are thinking and praying for us. As you know, our parenting skills are limited so any insight and support would be appreciated.
6. Why us and why Ethiopia? Because if you look at our family and friends, why not? We cannot imagine a better group of people to share their love with this new addition to the family.
Finally, pray for your future grandson or granddaughter, your future nephew or niece, your future cousin, our son or daughter. They may have been born already, maybe not. Pray for the family of our future child. They may be sick or dying, or struggling with war or disease or destitution.
This is a decision that resonates with us and who we hope to be.
In love,
Chris and Lori
After months of praying, deliberating and thoughtfulness, Lori and I have committed to the adoption journey. We have decided to select our future son or daughter from Ethiopia.
As most of you know, Lori and I are fiercely private people and rarely share our personal struggles outside of a very close knit group. However, for this journey we will require your support and personal encouragement. This is not a casual decision nor an easy road to take. And the reward, regardless of the outcomes will be deep and abiding.
Let me answer some of the questions that have probably already come to mind:
1. Why Ethiopia? For those of you who know us best, our heart has always been with Africa. We have committed a lot of resources to programs we felt strongly about and now we want to go one step further. By 2010 over 43% of Ethiopia's children will be orphaned. These children have no option and by adopting one child, we save one life. It's really that easy for us. In Ethiopia, these children have no net to catch them after loss of parents to war, disease or abandonment. In Ethiopia adoption is embraced. In a country that has never been colonized and doesn't carry the sins of slavery or tyranny, they embrace those who would adopt their children and give them a hope and a future. The contrast with other international programs is stark. Ethiopians give extraordinary care and love to those who have been made orphan. Their institutions are filled with caring nurses and caregivers and this is reflected in the eyes and faces of the children.
2. This is not a political statement or a social experiment on our part. Raising a black child in a white world has it's own struggles. We are committed to this and we will work our way through it. We don't see this as a heroic effort but simply a way for us to be less selfish with our lives and to use the extraordinary resources that God has blessed us with. The only way to transform our resources is to give them away with love.
3. Aren't you too old to be doing this? Hopefully not. We do this to share our life and to make a difference in that one little life.
4. How long will it take? We don't know. Probably, about 10-18 months. We are finalizing our selection of an adoption agency and then will go into a series of home studies, preparing a dossier of legal documents, unpredictable court dates in Addis Abba and dealing with the US State Department. Our responsibility is to take the steps forward and we surrender the rest to God's mercy and ask for his countenance upon us.
5. What can you do? We humbly ask that you do for us that which we have done for you: pray and encourage us. This is a roller coaster of emotions and set backs; unrealized expectations and unpredictable highs and lows. Shoot us a card now and then, telling us you are thinking and praying for us. As you know, our parenting skills are limited so any insight and support would be appreciated.
6. Why us and why Ethiopia? Because if you look at our family and friends, why not? We cannot imagine a better group of people to share their love with this new addition to the family.
Finally, pray for your future grandson or granddaughter, your future nephew or niece, your future cousin, our son or daughter. They may have been born already, maybe not. Pray for the family of our future child. They may be sick or dying, or struggling with war or disease or destitution.
This is a decision that resonates with us and who we hope to be.
In love,
Chris and Lori
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