We wanted to give everyone an update on our process since it has been a while since our last conversation with you.
Our legal dossier was accepted and sent to the agency in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia in March where we are waiting for a referral.
I contacted the agency about a month ago and they reported that they had one more couple to refer from the January submissions. They estimated that there would be just under a dozen referrals from the February submissions and then our March batch would be referred. Where we are in line with the March submissions is anyone’s guess because not only are they referring children from the monthly submissions, but they are also matching special needs children and others with specific criteria. We are in the hopper and that’s a good thing.
We are pretty sure that our referral will be a boy since girl referrals are being matched as far back as September 2008.
To be honest, we ride an emotional roller coaster. There are days where we just talk about our child, plan their life, discuss our values, decide how we will raise our child and primarily look to the future. Other days are filled with absolute dread and fear - as I am sure most expectant parents experience. On this end of the spectrum, we go from “What in the world are we doing”, to “Are you sure you’re okay with this”, to “We are exhausted now - just wait!”
And all our feelings - good and bad - reflect our “to-be” lives. And we cling to our marriage motto from our Italian Saint, Padre Pio “Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry”. (Hear us now, Padre!)
As with everything in this world, there is more information via the web - and Lori, our faithful researcher, has found incredible amounts of data, information and blogs about international adoption. We focus, obviously, on our agency and their activities and other families adopting from Ethiopia.
Our “to-be” world is a distant cry from the “as-is” tears of Ethiopia.
Ethiopia, as a country, is besieged with over-population contained within a kettle-pot of neglect, poverty and despair. As you read about the local conditions in Addis Ababa, your heart softens as you begin to understand that the conditions are caused by drought (no water to turn the electric turbines at the dams) or worse, man-made. Simmering at the bottom of the swirl are the lives of the children given up by parents weakened with disease; crushed by the oppression of warfare; and desperate to the world that engulfs them and slowly eats away at their soul.
Rough. Harsh. Cruel.
So, as we get lost in the “to-be” world against the “as-is” life of our child, we can only say, “Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry.”
Here's a quote from the Padre Pio Psalm book......
"Just wait"
Weeping may linger for the night but joy comes with the morning.
Be patient and resigned while waiting the return of your divine Sun,
who will come soon to brighten the forest of your spirit.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Waiting is the Hardest Part
Our legal dossier arrived at the offices of our adoption agency in Ethiopia this week. This means that we are now officially on the “Waiting List”. Whew!
Being on the Waiting List means that we are officially in line to be referred to our child(ren). In our application we were asked to give age, gender, etc. parameters of our desired child. Ensuring that we move through the process quickly, we specified male or female, age 0-48 months (single child) or if siblings, 0-72 months.
Once on the Waiting List, the process for receiving a male referral is estimated at 4 months and for a female referral, 7-8 months. After review and acceptance of our referral, our lawyer goes to Family Court and requests that we be made the legal guardian of the child. From there, we book it to Addis Ababa to meet our child and fly home to complete the adoption process in the US courts.
But for now, we WAIT . . . .
The waiting is the hardest part. Tom Petty
All things come round to him who will but wait. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits. Thomas A. Edison
All things come to him who waits - provided he knows what he is waiting for. Woodrow T. Wilson
How much of human life is lost in waiting. Ralph Waldo Emerson
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell
None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives. Kathleen Norris
Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience. Anonymous
We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting. Anonymous
Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So . . . get on your way. Dr. Seuss
When we have done our best, we should wait the result in peace. Sir John Lubbock
PRAY HOPE AND DON'T WORRY. Padre Pio
Being on the Waiting List means that we are officially in line to be referred to our child(ren). In our application we were asked to give age, gender, etc. parameters of our desired child. Ensuring that we move through the process quickly, we specified male or female, age 0-48 months (single child) or if siblings, 0-72 months.
Once on the Waiting List, the process for receiving a male referral is estimated at 4 months and for a female referral, 7-8 months. After review and acceptance of our referral, our lawyer goes to Family Court and requests that we be made the legal guardian of the child. From there, we book it to Addis Ababa to meet our child and fly home to complete the adoption process in the US courts.
But for now, we WAIT . . . .
The waiting is the hardest part. Tom Petty
All things come round to him who will but wait. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits. Thomas A. Edison
All things come to him who waits - provided he knows what he is waiting for. Woodrow T. Wilson
How much of human life is lost in waiting. Ralph Waldo Emerson
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell
None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives. Kathleen Norris
Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience. Anonymous
We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting. Anonymous
Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So . . . get on your way. Dr. Seuss
When we have done our best, we should wait the result in peace. Sir John Lubbock
PRAY HOPE AND DON'T WORRY. Padre Pio
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Names Matter
A couple of years back, Lori and I traveled to Italy. One of the great moments was coming onto a spectacular tree grove in Sorento. Beyond the ancient layout of the grove, with it’s hidden sitting areas and integrated lawns, were trees that bore both lemons, oranges and grapefruit. Sorento is known for its citrus – particularly in their skills of grafting branches of other fruit to the orange or lemon tree.
Part of the grafting experience in our own lives, joining two families through adoption, is understanding our own family tree. To that end, I have been obsessed with Ancestry.com and drilling down through the centuries of our family tree. Both our families come from Europe – primarily Britain, the Netherlands and Germany. Both families immigrated to the US around the 1600s settling in Georgia (Grants) and Philadelphia (Rowbothams). Knowing where you come from matters – names matter.
Their migration and acclamation into the new world reads like the history we all learned in grade school: early colonial living and slowly migrating West for opportunities and land acquisition. Reviewing census documents, you observe large families (some with 12 or more children), jobs that reflected the era (farmer, worker, and WPA) or their job or craft (Baker, Smith); draft cards from the Civil War, WWI and WWII make more personal the choices and struggles our families made. As you trace your family, you also make interesting discoveries: Cousins on the Grant family include First Lady Laura Bush, John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart and author Jane Austin.
One of the difficulties in tracing your lineage is that the surname is constantly misspelled and often substituted by a beaureucrat sitting in a non-descript building in any city. Imagine how many iterations of Rowbotham there are. Fliehmann gets misspelled as Flichmann because of bad penmanship. Get it wrong and you lose that branch. Names matter.
All this came to light even more as we were completing our adoption papers. We were instructed to use our full name when completing ANY piece of the multiple applications or our application would be rejected. Several times we had to redo forms or letters simply because I was expressed as Chris and not Christopher, but generally, my name is simple: Christopher Grant – done.
Lori retained her maiden name after we were married because in the movie industry you secure a lot work informally through the relationships that you create. If she suddenly became Lori Grant – who would know that it was still Lori Rowbotham – names matter.
Rowbotham has suffered through the slings and arrows going back to the 1400’s in England – Kent to be exact – with misspellings and numerous iterations. Poor Lori had to constantly remind people of the spelling and ensuring that they included Rowbotham to maintain consistency. Our biggest worry was with the critical US Homeland Security Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600A). Rowbotham had been left off and placed in another field on another screen buried in our online file. We tried to tell them that this was incorrect only to be told “don’t worry” “everything will be fine” “doesn’t matter”.
Names matter.
We waited.
Today – February 21st, 2009, the United States Government determined that Lori and I are indeed able to furnish proper care to an orphan and have forwarded our clearance to the American consulate in Addis Abba, Ethiopia. We have been approved for one or two children.
The most popular names in Ethiopia for boys are names like Beniam, Dawit, Kelile and Tefere; for their sisters, names like Louam, Makeda, Seble and Zena. These Biblical names trace back to ancient adjectives and blessings that the children carry for their life, the hopes and dreams of their parents – because in that part of the world – names matter.
Our child has a name and upon legal adoption in Ethiopia, they will take my first and last name as their middle and last name. When we arrive in Los Angeles with our new family, we will go to court and officially change their middle name and they will become grafted into the grove of Grants and Rowbothams. Because names matter.
Part of the grafting experience in our own lives, joining two families through adoption, is understanding our own family tree. To that end, I have been obsessed with Ancestry.com and drilling down through the centuries of our family tree. Both our families come from Europe – primarily Britain, the Netherlands and Germany. Both families immigrated to the US around the 1600s settling in Georgia (Grants) and Philadelphia (Rowbothams). Knowing where you come from matters – names matter.
Their migration and acclamation into the new world reads like the history we all learned in grade school: early colonial living and slowly migrating West for opportunities and land acquisition. Reviewing census documents, you observe large families (some with 12 or more children), jobs that reflected the era (farmer, worker, and WPA) or their job or craft (Baker, Smith); draft cards from the Civil War, WWI and WWII make more personal the choices and struggles our families made. As you trace your family, you also make interesting discoveries: Cousins on the Grant family include First Lady Laura Bush, John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart and author Jane Austin.
One of the difficulties in tracing your lineage is that the surname is constantly misspelled and often substituted by a beaureucrat sitting in a non-descript building in any city. Imagine how many iterations of Rowbotham there are. Fliehmann gets misspelled as Flichmann because of bad penmanship. Get it wrong and you lose that branch. Names matter.
All this came to light even more as we were completing our adoption papers. We were instructed to use our full name when completing ANY piece of the multiple applications or our application would be rejected. Several times we had to redo forms or letters simply because I was expressed as Chris and not Christopher, but generally, my name is simple: Christopher Grant – done.
Lori retained her maiden name after we were married because in the movie industry you secure a lot work informally through the relationships that you create. If she suddenly became Lori Grant – who would know that it was still Lori Rowbotham – names matter.
Rowbotham has suffered through the slings and arrows going back to the 1400’s in England – Kent to be exact – with misspellings and numerous iterations. Poor Lori had to constantly remind people of the spelling and ensuring that they included Rowbotham to maintain consistency. Our biggest worry was with the critical US Homeland Security Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600A). Rowbotham had been left off and placed in another field on another screen buried in our online file. We tried to tell them that this was incorrect only to be told “don’t worry” “everything will be fine” “doesn’t matter”.
Names matter.
We waited.
Today – February 21st, 2009, the United States Government determined that Lori and I are indeed able to furnish proper care to an orphan and have forwarded our clearance to the American consulate in Addis Abba, Ethiopia. We have been approved for one or two children.
The most popular names in Ethiopia for boys are names like Beniam, Dawit, Kelile and Tefere; for their sisters, names like Louam, Makeda, Seble and Zena. These Biblical names trace back to ancient adjectives and blessings that the children carry for their life, the hopes and dreams of their parents – because in that part of the world – names matter.
Our child has a name and upon legal adoption in Ethiopia, they will take my first and last name as their middle and last name. When we arrive in Los Angeles with our new family, we will go to court and officially change their middle name and they will become grafted into the grove of Grants and Rowbothams. Because names matter.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Super Heroes - Part III
Acknowledging our super heroes was something that Lori and I endeavored to do because we wanted you to know and understand our foundation as parents - reflected through the eyes of our closest non-relative friends. It's easy to look at the family tree and see which branches form our lives - and they do - but it is also important for our child to know and understand who has formed Lori and I.
The adoption process moves forward and we are stronger because we have super heroes looking after us.
The adoption process moves forward and we are stronger because we have super heroes looking after us.
Super Heroes - Part II (by Lori)
PART II (by Lori)
Kim N.
Heroes rarely show up overnight, and my deep friendship with Kim is no exception. Rewind the tape to 1979 at Texas A&M: We both knew our friendship would be long and enduring based on our first meeting: I was amazed at her hairstyle (beautiful French braiding) – she pined for my handbag. Girlfriends for life!
Through the years, we kept in touch – she, as her marriage took her around the world from the deserts of Saudi Arabia to the highlands of Scotland. All the while, she was raising three beautiful daughters – and this is where my awe and appreciation for Kim took hold.
Kim is a mother in every sense of the word. What I have found over the years watching Kim with her family, are three tenets that shape her and also, guide my hopes to motherhood.
Ferocity: I have visited Kim over the years and her daughters are a constant stream of energy that runs through her friends, her home, and her life. She protects her girls (young women now) not by putting up walls or an impenetrable moat but by being involved in every part of their lives. This could lead some to be overbearing, but you see the small conversations in the hallway, or at the end of driveway, or in the kitchen: a Mother engaged, involved and protective.
Loyalty: Kim’s daughters possess the security and trust that come from Kim’s constant love. Her family, in whatever form it takes and to everyone it embraces, blossoms with her kind sense of dedication. Kim’s shining loyalty has given her girls a strong foundation and a compass for me in building my family.
Unconditional Love: There are many attributes that define Kim and if you were to add them up, it would equal unconditional love; a love that once and for all sees her family and friends as extensions of her own being, and thinks and acts in their best interest. When the nest starts to empty, her love is not negotiated; when boyfriends enter and exit her daughter's lives, her love is not circumstantial; when life pushes her into corners, her love is not wavering. That is what I want for Chris and I, and Kim is my example on how to do this as a mother.
Being a mother is a daunting concept, regardless of how your child is gifted to you. However, I know and am comforted that my friend Kim stands behind me, irrespective of time and distance, to be my compass and to light my course.
Tom and Sarah
Did I mention Hollywood human slavery? This story starts off in the darkest corners of Hollywood. Years ago, I was introduced to Tom after being traded for a Tarzan Doll to work for him on a holiday feature. Tom was my new boss and I was joining his crew as a set designer. You’ll have to ask us later about the Tarzan Doll angle.
From that moment forward, every major moment in the relationship between Chris and I has been when I was working for Tom.
- Jingle All the Way – Chris and I broke up (the first time we were dating).
- Scream III – Chris and I were engaged and married.
- Hollywood Bowl Concert – the first night we started our IVF process was, coincidently, the same night at the Bowl with Tom and Sarah.
- Eli Stone – the start of our adoption journey.
It’s gotten to the point that now whenever I get a new job on a film or television show, Chris always asks if Tom is on it – that way he knows if something might be happening in the next few months.
Did I mention serendipity? Some people think that life is just a series of serendipitous events – unrelated to each other– just chance. To believe that would diminish one of the dearest friendships we have. In each of the above circumstances, Tom and his wife Sarah were the first to know and the first to extend their kindness and unconditional friendship.
Did I mention being blessed? Sarah is one of the loveliest blessings. Sarah is filled with generosity and a creative spirit that reflects the love she has built with Tom. We always look forward to birthdays or special events because we’re lucky enough to receive one of her unique and handmade cards. She teaches at FIDM in Los Angeles and her students are better because of her perspective, challenges, and passion.
Did I mention passion? One word – Nola. Our best dog friend that has raised Tom and Sarah into the lovely couple that they are. Nola rules her world and we are all in the service of the Queen.
Did I mention Tom and Sarah? For us, Tom and Sarah reflect what a loving couple looks like. They are just like all of us – trying to find their way through life. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. What sets them apart is the way that they respond to each other. They are always kind and supportive of each other – even when you’re not looking. They build each other up, which makes them great company and great friends. They give total support to each other and that overflows into our lives and showers us with serendipity, blessings, passion and Tom and Sarah.
Did I mention adoption? When reflecting upon our friendship with Tom and Sarah, you’d swear we were talking about family. We are. As we are adopting our new child, he or she will be adopting Tom and Sarah as their uncle and auntie.
Did I mention how happy that makes us?
Kim N.
Heroes rarely show up overnight, and my deep friendship with Kim is no exception. Rewind the tape to 1979 at Texas A&M: We both knew our friendship would be long and enduring based on our first meeting: I was amazed at her hairstyle (beautiful French braiding) – she pined for my handbag. Girlfriends for life!
Through the years, we kept in touch – she, as her marriage took her around the world from the deserts of Saudi Arabia to the highlands of Scotland. All the while, she was raising three beautiful daughters – and this is where my awe and appreciation for Kim took hold.
Kim is a mother in every sense of the word. What I have found over the years watching Kim with her family, are three tenets that shape her and also, guide my hopes to motherhood.
Ferocity: I have visited Kim over the years and her daughters are a constant stream of energy that runs through her friends, her home, and her life. She protects her girls (young women now) not by putting up walls or an impenetrable moat but by being involved in every part of their lives. This could lead some to be overbearing, but you see the small conversations in the hallway, or at the end of driveway, or in the kitchen: a Mother engaged, involved and protective.
Loyalty: Kim’s daughters possess the security and trust that come from Kim’s constant love. Her family, in whatever form it takes and to everyone it embraces, blossoms with her kind sense of dedication. Kim’s shining loyalty has given her girls a strong foundation and a compass for me in building my family.
Unconditional Love: There are many attributes that define Kim and if you were to add them up, it would equal unconditional love; a love that once and for all sees her family and friends as extensions of her own being, and thinks and acts in their best interest. When the nest starts to empty, her love is not negotiated; when boyfriends enter and exit her daughter's lives, her love is not circumstantial; when life pushes her into corners, her love is not wavering. That is what I want for Chris and I, and Kim is my example on how to do this as a mother.
Being a mother is a daunting concept, regardless of how your child is gifted to you. However, I know and am comforted that my friend Kim stands behind me, irrespective of time and distance, to be my compass and to light my course.
Tom and Sarah
Did I mention Hollywood human slavery? This story starts off in the darkest corners of Hollywood. Years ago, I was introduced to Tom after being traded for a Tarzan Doll to work for him on a holiday feature. Tom was my new boss and I was joining his crew as a set designer. You’ll have to ask us later about the Tarzan Doll angle.
From that moment forward, every major moment in the relationship between Chris and I has been when I was working for Tom.
- Jingle All the Way – Chris and I broke up (the first time we were dating).
- Scream III – Chris and I were engaged and married.
- Hollywood Bowl Concert – the first night we started our IVF process was, coincidently, the same night at the Bowl with Tom and Sarah.
- Eli Stone – the start of our adoption journey.
It’s gotten to the point that now whenever I get a new job on a film or television show, Chris always asks if Tom is on it – that way he knows if something might be happening in the next few months.
Did I mention serendipity? Some people think that life is just a series of serendipitous events – unrelated to each other– just chance. To believe that would diminish one of the dearest friendships we have. In each of the above circumstances, Tom and his wife Sarah were the first to know and the first to extend their kindness and unconditional friendship.
Did I mention being blessed? Sarah is one of the loveliest blessings. Sarah is filled with generosity and a creative spirit that reflects the love she has built with Tom. We always look forward to birthdays or special events because we’re lucky enough to receive one of her unique and handmade cards. She teaches at FIDM in Los Angeles and her students are better because of her perspective, challenges, and passion.
Did I mention passion? One word – Nola. Our best dog friend that has raised Tom and Sarah into the lovely couple that they are. Nola rules her world and we are all in the service of the Queen.
Did I mention Tom and Sarah? For us, Tom and Sarah reflect what a loving couple looks like. They are just like all of us – trying to find their way through life. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. What sets them apart is the way that they respond to each other. They are always kind and supportive of each other – even when you’re not looking. They build each other up, which makes them great company and great friends. They give total support to each other and that overflows into our lives and showers us with serendipity, blessings, passion and Tom and Sarah.
Did I mention adoption? When reflecting upon our friendship with Tom and Sarah, you’d swear we were talking about family. We are. As we are adopting our new child, he or she will be adopting Tom and Sarah as their uncle and auntie.
Did I mention how happy that makes us?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Super Heroes - Part I (by Chris)
Part I (by Chris)
Since Lori and I decided on an adoption journey, we have received incredible support and encouragement from all of our families and friends. In fact, they describe us as "heroic" in our efforts - a term that Lori and I don't accept, I thought it best to introduce you to seven people who we consider our heroes:
John and Joy
I’ve known John since I was 14. We used to ride our bikes through Orange County when there was still orange and avocado groves. John and his family attended the church my father preached at. There is a lot that John taught me through the years and through his approach to life. Let me share just a couple:
The first thing I learned from John is that life only happens when you make it happen. John and I both loved to push the limits and his quest for adventure usually found me sitting shotgun in an MG speeding to Las Vegas; swerving through the off-roads of Arizona in a station wagon; or camping in Rattlesnake Canyon with guns and twinkies. The adventures are countless - the encounters unbelievable, but always filling up a catalog of stories and new nicknames for each other.
When I think about my friendship with John, or when I think about the friends that John has made over the years, the one through line with all of us is John’s loyalty. When John accepts you as his friend, you enter a circle in his life that comes with a remarkable level of loyalty to you and the things that matter to you.
Finally, to know John is to understand what a Dad is. John lost his dad early in his life so he missed out on the simple things sons do with dads as you go through junior high and high school. I’ve never known if he ever had a role model in mind, so when he got married to Joy, I wasn’t sure how he would respond to the new responsibilities. What I saw immediately and through the years is that John is unconditional in his love to his children - always reassuring them that they are loved and that they are special.
Now, John wasn’t always the superhero to me. The status of superhero came when he married Joy. Super - because he found and convinced her to marry him; super - because she makes him more than anything he could have done on his own; super - because the two of them together have raised a remarkable family and now get to be grandparents.
Bill and Susan
Bill and I met in college almost 25 years ago. We met while performing in an improv-comedy group and within minutes started making each laugh - which we’ve been doing ever since. Over the years our paths have weaved back and forth and nobody “knows” me as well as Bill.
Bill has always showed up at the important times in my life - sometimes I’ve forced them on to him. (Ask him about playing ice hockey.) Bill has been with me at the lowest times of my life (ask him about the love and support he gave our family when my youngest brother died) and at the highest times of my life (ask him about wearing a kilt). He introduced Lori and me (ask him about how he would not let up until we finally went out) and most importantly, he and I share the holy pilgrimages to find Elvis (ask him about Seattle, New Orleans, Tahoe, Reno, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Kansas City, Las Vegas again, Chicago, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Orange County, and Burbank.)
Bill - like John - only becomes more of hero to me after he marries. Bill found Susan at a volleyball game (ask him about how utterly smitten he was). The two of them have created one of the most amazing families (ask him about Eli and Nora - I wouldn’t bother asking about Baxter). They are truly, deeply, madly a family in love and they make Lori and I assured that we have not only their support - but we have great role models, friends and superheroes.
Since Lori and I decided on an adoption journey, we have received incredible support and encouragement from all of our families and friends. In fact, they describe us as "heroic" in our efforts - a term that Lori and I don't accept, I thought it best to introduce you to seven people who we consider our heroes:
John and Joy
I’ve known John since I was 14. We used to ride our bikes through Orange County when there was still orange and avocado groves. John and his family attended the church my father preached at. There is a lot that John taught me through the years and through his approach to life. Let me share just a couple:
The first thing I learned from John is that life only happens when you make it happen. John and I both loved to push the limits and his quest for adventure usually found me sitting shotgun in an MG speeding to Las Vegas; swerving through the off-roads of Arizona in a station wagon; or camping in Rattlesnake Canyon with guns and twinkies. The adventures are countless - the encounters unbelievable, but always filling up a catalog of stories and new nicknames for each other.
When I think about my friendship with John, or when I think about the friends that John has made over the years, the one through line with all of us is John’s loyalty. When John accepts you as his friend, you enter a circle in his life that comes with a remarkable level of loyalty to you and the things that matter to you.
Finally, to know John is to understand what a Dad is. John lost his dad early in his life so he missed out on the simple things sons do with dads as you go through junior high and high school. I’ve never known if he ever had a role model in mind, so when he got married to Joy, I wasn’t sure how he would respond to the new responsibilities. What I saw immediately and through the years is that John is unconditional in his love to his children - always reassuring them that they are loved and that they are special.
Now, John wasn’t always the superhero to me. The status of superhero came when he married Joy. Super - because he found and convinced her to marry him; super - because she makes him more than anything he could have done on his own; super - because the two of them together have raised a remarkable family and now get to be grandparents.
Bill and Susan
Bill and I met in college almost 25 years ago. We met while performing in an improv-comedy group and within minutes started making each laugh - which we’ve been doing ever since. Over the years our paths have weaved back and forth and nobody “knows” me as well as Bill.
Bill has always showed up at the important times in my life - sometimes I’ve forced them on to him. (Ask him about playing ice hockey.) Bill has been with me at the lowest times of my life (ask him about the love and support he gave our family when my youngest brother died) and at the highest times of my life (ask him about wearing a kilt). He introduced Lori and me (ask him about how he would not let up until we finally went out) and most importantly, he and I share the holy pilgrimages to find Elvis (ask him about Seattle, New Orleans, Tahoe, Reno, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Kansas City, Las Vegas again, Chicago, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Orange County, and Burbank.)
Bill - like John - only becomes more of hero to me after he marries. Bill found Susan at a volleyball game (ask him about how utterly smitten he was). The two of them have created one of the most amazing families (ask him about Eli and Nora - I wouldn’t bother asking about Baxter). They are truly, deeply, madly a family in love and they make Lori and I assured that we have not only their support - but we have great role models, friends and superheroes.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Who Are You?
Who are you? How do people "know" who you are.
"Who am I?"
In my job I have a badge and that lets everyone at work know who I am by the color and position on the badge. It lets me into secured areas and my picture is from a couple of years ago, so that strokes my ego.
I have a business card and that - like my badge - tells people who I am and how to get a hold of me. My passport tells everyone where I'm from. I even have a "ClearCard" which contains a computer chip of my bio-metrics that gets me through airport security quickly.
In this journey of adoption - it goes even further. Our application asked questions about Lori and I that required us to ask our parents, "How old are you again?" "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" We've had to describe the characteristics of our family: "Put down that you're German and English with fair skin."
The other day, I had my health check-up - probably the most comprehensive exam I've had in years. Hearing test, eye tests (I passed a 20/20 chart without my glasses), blood tests, and everything in between. I had to recall the illnesses, surgeries and diseases of everyone in my family. Physically, what I ended up with is a description of who I am.
I went downtown to the Glendale Police Station and they took my finger prints and entered them into a database. Not sure who owns them now and where they live - but those patterns define who I am.
As part of the application, we had to take every nook and cranny from our financial life and expose it into the light of day. Think of everything you own that has a number and then print it out and total it up. We defined ourselves through our assets and liabilities.
Through the process, the agencies, the government, and everyone in-between will drill through our paperwork and hopefully will "know" who we are.
While all this process is important and worthwhile, I wonder what our potential son or daughter will want to know about us as people, as parents. I constantly remind myself - how will they view this adoption.
What power do they have in their situation? How much say do they have in the control of their lives? I think of them across the table from me: "Will you keep me safe? Will you provide a home and not a place to live? Are you funny? Do you like animals? What do you eat? Will you love me? Promise?" Yep. I promise.
This is what drives me - what motivates me. It's easy to surrender to an application process - that intrudes and asks that you to expose everything, makes you report on minutea, takes your privacy and publishes it - when I keep my new family in mind.
Who are we? A family pregnant with hope.
"Who am I?"
In my job I have a badge and that lets everyone at work know who I am by the color and position on the badge. It lets me into secured areas and my picture is from a couple of years ago, so that strokes my ego.
I have a business card and that - like my badge - tells people who I am and how to get a hold of me. My passport tells everyone where I'm from. I even have a "ClearCard" which contains a computer chip of my bio-metrics that gets me through airport security quickly.
In this journey of adoption - it goes even further. Our application asked questions about Lori and I that required us to ask our parents, "How old are you again?" "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" We've had to describe the characteristics of our family: "Put down that you're German and English with fair skin."
The other day, I had my health check-up - probably the most comprehensive exam I've had in years. Hearing test, eye tests (I passed a 20/20 chart without my glasses), blood tests, and everything in between. I had to recall the illnesses, surgeries and diseases of everyone in my family. Physically, what I ended up with is a description of who I am.
I went downtown to the Glendale Police Station and they took my finger prints and entered them into a database. Not sure who owns them now and where they live - but those patterns define who I am.
As part of the application, we had to take every nook and cranny from our financial life and expose it into the light of day. Think of everything you own that has a number and then print it out and total it up. We defined ourselves through our assets and liabilities.
Through the process, the agencies, the government, and everyone in-between will drill through our paperwork and hopefully will "know" who we are.
While all this process is important and worthwhile, I wonder what our potential son or daughter will want to know about us as people, as parents. I constantly remind myself - how will they view this adoption.
What power do they have in their situation? How much say do they have in the control of their lives? I think of them across the table from me: "Will you keep me safe? Will you provide a home and not a place to live? Are you funny? Do you like animals? What do you eat? Will you love me? Promise?" Yep. I promise.
This is what drives me - what motivates me. It's easy to surrender to an application process - that intrudes and asks that you to expose everything, makes you report on minutea, takes your privacy and publishes it - when I keep my new family in mind.
Who are we? A family pregnant with hope.
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